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By Dorothy Denne
I have a good sense of humor but no matter how hard I laugh, life is still just one damn thing after another.
Speaking of which, I need brakes. No, not on my car, on my scales. When I step on them that pointer is like a certain bunny we all know. It just keeps going and going.
Speaking of cars. I picked my friend up at the auto repair. She was there because sometimes when she turns the starter thingamajig, it makes a terrible squawk. The mechanic said the fly wheel is shot. Now why does a car need a fly wheel? Cars don’t fly.
Speaking of fly, I swallowed a little white one. My back yard is full of them. I have to keep my mouth shut all the way from the back door to the garage.
Speaking of my mouth, the dentist says I have a cracked filling which can’t be replaced. It needs a crown. No, no. Neither my tooth nor my wallet are royalty, so we’ll skip the crown. We’ll just pull the tooth and I’ll cope with the hole.
Speaking of a hole, a skunk dug one under our porch. We can’t close the hole because she had babies. They never all come out at one time but even if they did, I couldn’t close the hole. I couldn’t put them on the rolls of the homeless. Of course, if a stray cat scares her, I may be homeless.
Speaking of stray cats, we have some in our neighborhood. That is very sad. My neighbor and I can’t bear the thought of them being hungry, so we feed them. To show their gratitude, they all want to claim us for their very own so they pee and re-pee on our tires. Sometimes we think a little skunk juice might smell good.
Speaking of smell, why is it people lose their sense of smell just when they earn enough money to buy perfume? I hate it when they douse themselves so heavily you smell them coming, going, and after they’re gone.
Speaking of coming and going, my husband is coming in so I better get going. I have to cook his dinner. Yeah, life is just one damn thing after another.
With a sense of humor, you enjoy it more.