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Kitchen Aid

January 20th, 2009 by Temple City Tribune

Today …  there is a cooking gadget available to assist cooks and food preparers for most every situation. The TV Cable Food Channels are inundated with commercials to promote numerous time saving helpers.

At Our House … The time saving helper is the Kitchen Aid. This time saving helper is very important to my … “Kitchen Queen.”  No, the Kitchen Aid is not that well known “kitchen appliance” … It Is Me, I am the Kitchen Aid!
Yes…. I still remember that marriage vow . . . “I Do”
And I practice that everyday.

You see in my role as a Kitchen Aid, I Do … the milk tasting to see if it is still fresh.  I sample the pasta to determine if it is done and I stir and manage the oatmeal cereal for the right consistency.  I am the masher, dicer and potato ricer in addition to being the vegetable scrubber and peeler. I open the jars of Jam, Applesauce, Pickles, Catsup and an entire array of packaged items that are far too difficult for the resident cook to open.

I am the only one qualified to handle the kitchen slicing device that is used for slicing, dicing and spicing the many fruits and veggies she plans for dinner.

Grating is also my specialty.  This includes cheese; celery, cabbage and many other food delicacies to difficult for the Head Chef to risk her deftly manicured nails upon. You might also say I am the food processor. I chop and pound steaks, slice roasts, whip cream, mash potatoes, stir waffle batter, and on occasion I have been the pie crust blender and pastry assistant. I am also the bowl cleaner, pot scrubber, dishwasher and the coffee machine cleanser.

The recycling demands for sorting trash, bottles, cans and newspapers from the green disposal items is such an important daily duty, that it required me to have specialized training.

The lesser-known jobs connected with the Kitchen Aid responsibility, is the stacking and storage detail for all small appliances, glassware and fine china. I am the wine steward, glass chiller and Champaign cork-removing master.  These jobs tend to be the more pleasing responsibilities, as tasting is a very necessary requirement.

I am also the math professor when it comes to splitting recipes. It is very difficult for the chef to determine 1/2 of 2/3rds and other math, mind bogglers, that are common to preparing a dinner or desert.

A thorough kitchen cleanup must be done by the Kitchen Aid daily, to comply with the “Clean Room” demands of the chef. This includes the sink, counters, stove and oven cleansing. A complete knowledge of the Swiffer dusting products line is also an essential requirement to assure that good kitchen floor and wall maintenance is performed.

The “Kitchen Queen” insists that refrigerator leftovers management is another vital Kitchen Aid requirement. This includes refrigerator and freezer space allocation control, which she says, is an important energy factor in keeping with the governmental energy savings program.

Well, after concluding 60 years of intense training for my Kitchen Aid position, the resident chef is now considering full retirement. She claims that she no longer has the energy to supervise all of my kitchen duties. She recommends that we should eat out more often. It is her claim that this would be an energy saver for both of us. Wow, her retirement plan sounded so very exciting to me. But it was her telephone conversation with her sister last night that was quite different.  She told her sister that with my kitchen experience and all my free time that she is hoping to get me a dishwashing job at our favorite restaurant to offset all of the increased expenses for eating out more often.

By Wally Hage
E-mail comments to wallyfamilyaffair@att.net

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